Actually it’s

NOT funny



one of our alters

changed it

to reflect

the truth

about DID

  • so, if you want the original –  funny one

and have a good laughter,

click here

otherwise proceed with caution…

The joke… not funny anymore

Q: How many alters does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Four.

One to  change be used as a means by a perpetrator changing the bulb,

one to watch the abuse,

one to deny the abuse in the name of the bulb needing to be changed exactly the way it was done,

and one to repress the associations/memories/emotions about it.

Now, try to google the joke by clicking the link
How many alters does it take to change a light bulb? (<– click)
and see
another joke
(this one made by google)


You must be joking, google, No! I did NOT mean letters

obviously making another (meta-)joke –

i.e. joke about the joke

– yourself, don’t you, Google?!? ;)

Meta-source: http://www.google.com/notebook/public/15007374035221757547/BDQgkQgoQyaHQ7_gj


I have shared – replying to David’s reply to Kathy’s blog post – how I died in order to get my life back ;-)

@ David – oh, my, I now understand a connection that was felt by some alters towards you despite the literary (intellectually) elitist defense that has frightened our other alters at your blog.

The alter, the suicidal (I prefer to label it self-hatred alter because I agree with my host that it is not the behavior but the extreme emotion what happens to be a driving force behind alters), you were describing above, is almost an exact copy of my self-hatred alter!

“(…) there is nothing that this alter admits to wanting, except wanting our shared body to be dead. S/he wants only the cessation of our existence

Reading the above quote, I had to smile because that’s how he felt, and he was deaf to all reasons and arguments coming from the rest of us (our system) and encouragements that he, too, can learn to enjoy life if he only let us help him.

He hated to be offered (or getting) help by anyone at all (even more than Ithe bold alterdo ;) )…

“(…) the only thing this alter ever does, aside from wishing we were all dead, is to sit in his/her room, watching static patterns on the television”

My self-hatred alter could be distracted by being shown the same cartoons over and over (any new cartoons would just make him want our body to cease to exist, no matter what.). Nothing could make him a bit happier or wanting to learn to enjoy life, those cartoons just distracted him (they didn’t make him any happier, though!). He had only one wish – to see me dead, and since I saw no other option but to let him express and fulfill his dream, a had a series of most vivid dreams.

In one of those dreams which I had in several  consequent (consecutive) nights I have thrown my body on the knife (going through my heart and I died).

The other dream was of experiencing heaving brain stroke and I could see my brain dying one brain center after another – until there was dead body left on the bed and I was leaving the body).

The third dream was of our body walking, refusing to hide, in the middle of atom bomb attack, exposing to the explosions until the body was fried to death.

Making his dreams true in a way,   make made him feel valid and acknowledged and his extreme feelings accepted by the rest of us (our system). It felt a kind of gift given to him by the rest of us that made him a satisfied little boy, and now being able to learn to enjoy life with the rest of us…

Below you can read my humble contribution – did I say humble? it must be a joke, it is my job in our system to never (ever) be humble, what is going on with me, am I <softening or what? this should not happen!:) unless the host will become bolder, and each of us individually more balanced… phew… is this good at all? – to the great discussion held at the BTC’s place (blog).

I actually agree with BTC that a “vulnerable client who is working within a dangerous unstable and clearly narcissistic framework” is like princess from H.C.Andersen’s tale The Princess and The Pea where her sensitivity is viewed as bad manners by those who should have known better. Alice Miller – see the Wikipedia article on her – is an author who wrote excellent books – about more or less subtle ways therapists respond (she even left the psychoanalytic society because of that) narcissistically to the clients’ needs.

Below you can read an example of Victimization Sequelae’s morbid hatred at abusers.

As it was written by my very very nice and intellectual host at his blog posts today (my host Samo is extremely proud of  the fact that the extremely morbid hatred at abusers was not expressed by him, by the way), the driving force behind every “personality” switch is avoidance of an extreme emotion (and the emphasis is on extreme, not emotion itself!).

However, he will have to let me at least quote “An Open Letter to the Wikipedia “editor” of DID article”  in which another alter (he later was allowed to have his own blog) whose extreme emotions were triggered by what he saw at Wikipedia article on DID.

He expressed what he felt like doing afterwards:






only proceed with the maximum caution






expressing extremely morbid hatred at abusers and towards people who publicly make it harder for dissociation sufferers to 1. understand what is it happening to them, 2. acknowledge it, 3. get helped for it (not something similar or completely different, like for example, hysteria or psychosis etc, but for DID)







triggering – last warning!




So, DreamGuy, you are publicly making it harder for dissociation sufferers to be able to achieve all three things, huh?

I could sue you for what you are doing publicly, denying DID and telling the sufferers that they only pretend to have parts that contain the extreme responses to victimization!

Will I sue you DreamGuy? No!!!!! I want you to suffer the way DIDers had to suffer prior to becoming DIDers, the way they suffered you will!!!!!! Then I will tell you that what you are experiencing it’s just pretending ha ha ha ha

Get ready – Dreaming Guy – to wake up into a living night mare!!!!!  ha ha ha ha ha

You will be glad to become dissociative yourself in order to cope with the nightmare I will turn your  dream life into!

It’s not a matter of (Neutral) Point of View that you are hiding behind at Wikipedia, no, it is now a matter of life and death, death in your case …. ha ha ha ha

Get ready DreamGuy to pay for it!

I am an expert in making you suffer up to the point where you will dissociate because my abusers have made me one ha ha ha ha welcome to the dissociative paradise!

I have nothing to lose – I have lost myself long long ago ha ha ha ha ha

I will track you down and that scientist who claims that child sexual abuse has no clinically significant consequences and will rape you both ha ha ha ha ha

and you won’t be able to tell anyone ‘cos I will do it so that it will look like as if you wanted to happen, anyway ha ha ha ha ha

and you will be so humiliated that you will want to commit suicide ha ha ha ha ha

No mercy for those assisting abusers the way you do it publicly!


In our country after the war the pro-Nazi quislings and people like you who allied with the aggressors/abusers were butchered and thrown into the abysses/mine holes, you deserve to have the same fate ha ha ha ha ha

End of quote.

This is an example of expression of extremely morbid hatred contained within one of my alters and put down on the paper and then transcribed and quoted here in order to integrate him with the rest of our alters so that he would not need to direct the triggered hatred toward ourselves with suicidal ideation, self-injury etc

We thank our alter for keeping those emotions away from us for such a long time and welcome him in our midst because we feel this is the only way the extreme emotions can be transformed into something creative and non-threatening to others and ourselves. Thanks again, unnamed alter!

You’re welcome…

wow said my inner child.

“Wow”, repeated my host… others as well expressed their gratitude for letting the emotions being transformed through (creative) writing, letting them the Light to replace the darkness where they were hiding so long unacknowledged by us.

We are sorry that we weren’t able to get help to do it sooner.

But better late than never, we suppose :)

Somebody want to cry from being moved now. Cry, baby, cry says a soothing “voice” of Love.


Below is an excerpt from the Frank Ochberg’s webpage:

Proposed Diagnostic Criteria for Victimization Sequelae Syndrome/Disorder

A. The experience (or witnessing) of one or more episodes of physical violence or psychological abuse or of being coerced into sexual activity by another person.

B. The development of at least (number to be determined) of the following symptoms (not present before the victimization experiences):

1. A generalized sense of being ineffective in dealing with one’s environment that is not limited to the victimization experience (e.g., generalized passivity, lack of assertiveness, or lack of confidence in one’s own judgment).

2. The belief that one has been permanently damaged by the victimization experience (e.g., a sexually abused child or rape victim believing that he or she will never be attractive to others).

3. Feeling isolated or unable to trust or to be intimate with others.

4. Over inhibition of anger or excessive expression of anger.

5. Inappropriate minimizing of the injuries that were inflicted.

6. Amnesia for the victimization experiences.

7. Belief that one deserved to be victimized, rather than blaming the perpetrator.

8. Vulnerability to being revictimized.

9. Adopting the distorted beliefs of the perpetrator with regard to interpersonal behavior (e.g., believing that it is OK for parents to have sex with their children, or that it is OK for a husband to beat his wife to keep her obedient).

10. Inappropriate idealization of the perpetrator.

C. Duration of the disturbance of at least one month.

Appendix 2

Victimization Symptoms: A Distinct Subcategory of Traumatic Stress

1. Shame: Deep embarrassment, often characterized as humiliation or mortification.

2. Self-blame: Exaggerated feelings of responsibility for the traumatic event, with guilt and remorse, despite obvious evidence of innocence.

3. Subjugation: Feeling belittled, dehumanized, lowered in dominance, and powerless as a direct result of the trauma.

4. Morbid hatred: Obsessions of vengeance and preoccupation with hurting or humiliating the perpetrator, with or without outbursts of anger or rage.

5. Paradoxical gratitude: Positive feelings toward the victimizer ranging from compassion to romantic love, including attachment but not necessarily identification. The feelings are usually experienced as ironic but profound gratitude for the gift of life from one who has demonstrated the will to kill. (Also known as pathological transference and/or Stockholm syndrome).

6. Defilement: Feeling dirty, disgusted, disgusting, tainted, “like spoiled goods,” and in extreme cases, rotten and evil.

7. Sexual inhibition: Loss of libido, reduced capacity for intimacy, more frequently associated with sexual assault.

8. Resignation: A state of broken will or despair, often associated with repetitive victimization or prolonged exploitation, with markedly diminished interest in past or future.

9. Second injury or second wound: Revictimization through participation in the criminal justice, health, mental health, and other systems.

10. Socioeconomic status downward drift: Reduction of opportunity or life-style, and increased risk of repeat criminal victimization due to psychological, social, and vocational impairment.

I have tried and searched for “dissociative identity disorder” in a search engine that shows results in pictures, yay

Its address is http://www.kartoo.com

This is the result:

Of course I have noticed quickly that the wikipedia article far on the left right is the only result that shows “iatrogenic” as description term.

I felt they have really got  too far with this, and I was off to fight with the denial of DID….

Of course I lost the battle.

They are many and I was alone, but you can change that – of course – if you are in mood to fight against denial of DID – by going to wikipedia article on DID and clicking History tab and Undo as is shown on the following picture (see http://samo.samoime.googlepages.com/fight_the_denial.jpg )


Why do I have to show off, again? Well, because I did a great job by writing a “comment”, now post on its own, to myself here.

If it wouldn’t be Castor Girl replying about the “proudness of grandiose survivorship”, I would probably have not written it.

So thanks again, CG.

Below I am going to copy-paste the part where I wrote to my “inner child”, for the rest of my alters to see, as well.

…my parents were never able to see me as important enough in comparison to their early-life experiences (being born in the war-time in the middle of WW II in the little European country occupied by two neighbor countries’ armies (all neighbouring countries were Hitler’s allies, except our country, can you imagine – it was like being a prey divided and dissociated at the collective level))

NothingI have ever been (or done) as a child of two people that were both born in the war time – could (can) come even close to the importance of war and their house being burnt down by Fascists and their village occupied by Hungarian pro-Nazi soldiers, respectively in my mother’s and father’s case. (My country was divided – dissociated at a collective level – by pro-Nazi Hungary, Fascist Italy, and Nazi Germany at the time).

I, as a child, just a little child, just could not compete with the two armies of soldiers, always present in my parents’ eyes, those invisible armies that I just couldn’t fight against (not even in case I’d have my own army and courage to do it) because those were just my parents’ unhealed memories lurking from the past…

A question to myself:

How could any child (later an adolescent) beat two armies (Hitler’s allies) in the parents’ eyes and step out of the shadow of those experiences?

No child could do that

I must tell the answer to my inner child now.

Because I find had happened to find my inner child (with my inner adolescent they are a team) too many times still “fighting my their war” against my parents’ internalized aggressors lurking from their eyes (btw they were both teachers, probably that’s why I particularly tend to fight against my teachers) and competing with teachers/therapist/etc all the time as if in hope (poor little child, still hoping) that one day I will win if I (the child) am big, bigger, grandiose enough

– – –

As I said above, this is a part of a text originally written as my reply to CastorGirl’s reply… that you can read here as whole and in the context.


Steps that lead to outer and inner events repressing:

-firstly, the rightful and natural and valid expressions of *disgust* (the most overlooked emotion of all).

-secondly, the rightful and natural and valid expressions of *anger* (“fight response“).

-thirdly, the rightful and natural and valid expressions of *fear* (“flight” or “freeze response”/PTSD).

-fourthly, the rightful and natural and valid expressions of *sadness* (depression or self-destructiveness and working-out to the point of exhaustion or self-injury).

-fifthly, the rightful and natural and valid expressions of *paradoxical gratitude* (it is one of the Frank Ochberg’s Victimization Sequelae Disorder symptoms listed here – see under Appendix 2,  numer 5, called also “Stockholm Syndrome”).

-sixthly, the rightful and natural and valid expressions of  *compensatory grandiosity* (the emphasis is to be put on compensatory because this kind of grandiosity serves the role of compensating for our system’s (personal) worthlessness feelings  caused by abusers, but triggered by slightly similar situations later in life, as well) .

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