I felt it would not be fair to BTC and her readers to trigger them with my expressing the angry feelings at emotionally illiterate professional therapists over at BTC’s blog, so I will do it here, instead:
@ Dawn – Since you came here in the role of professional therapist AND were the one who has first used the extremely rude derogatory language as “pseudologia fantastica, mythomania, or pathological lying” instead of showing some maturer emotionally literate ways to establish contact with your prospective new clients, it revealed you as a therapist to be as low as possible on the scale of emotional literacy, the literacy without which you shouldn’t be allowed to work as professional therapist…
To conclude – instead of the client-therapist dictionary, illiterate therapists like you could really use some “Emotional literacy for completely illiterate professional therapists” guide.
.
—
Today I posted another comment along the lines of emotional literacy. Below I quote, copypaste, my comment from Kathy’s blog, here:
By implying that it was expressed instead of another (“correct”) emotion, the “correctness” ( = validity) of one particular emotion (be it anger or any other emotion) is being questioned.
And I don’t like emotions to be questioned!
They need to be acknowledged, firstly.
And, secondly, we need to learn a repertoire of creative ( = non-destructive) ways to express the emotion (all of them).
That’s all. Easier said then done, of course ;)
And another thing.
It is especially counter-productive to say to the traumatized client “you should look at the pain instead of expressing anger”. Nope! Learning creative repertoire of (non-destructive) ways to express the anger is all we need!
.
April 28, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Well said :)
April 28, 2009 at 12:49 pm
@ Rachel – thank you Rachel.
April 28, 2009 at 1:06 pm
I went to see your blog and saw the following quote “A good marriage is one in which only one partner is crazy at any given time (Kohut, 1984)”
this is so true :) :) :) my wife and I have formulated a similar definition :) :) :)
April 28, 2009 at 3:03 pm
Yeah I know! Isn’t that an awesome quote! (And right now it’s my turn, hahaha!)
:)
April 28, 2009 at 3:04 pm
PS – thanks for the add on Twitter btw :)
April 28, 2009 at 7:42 pm
I agree with Rachel… well said!
With the marriage quote one important part is missing – each partner has to have some level of acceptance and understanding of the craziness. Without acceptance and understanding the marriage will not work.
Take care
April 29, 2009 at 8:20 am
@ castorgirl – Thank you for reminding me of it.
Kohut must have been taking it for granted, but it is not to be taken for granted.
Even some among therapists seem to be low on emotional literacy and the basic acceptance of (extreme) emotions :)
Without acceptance and understanding of craziness ( = extreme emotions) the marriage doesn’t work, the therapy doesn’t work, no deep relationship can work.
April 29, 2009 at 9:30 am
@ Rachel – I wanted to post a comment at your blog post about Getting angry but I was unable to do it, I don’t know why, can you help me, or I will post it here:
re “It is important to me that as a Christian I don’t have that mask that people wear – there is no point pretending we are anything other than we are really, and we are all just as fallen and broken as the next person. … which is good because God tends to use the the broken…“
Thank you for saying it, Rachel.
You were already talking to my alter – named The Bold One at his blog – he is very good at getting angry and I – the host – am not, because I prefer to repress/dissociate my extreme emotions except the extreme fear (I am good at getting scared :))
We have together made a website to facilitate the scared inner children to express anger at God… you can take a look here…
April 29, 2009 at 11:25 am
Hey Samo. I’m sorry you were having trouble posting on my blog – I have no idea why either which is very frustrating! (What kind of trouble were you having?) I’m really glad I picked this up here though.
I am good at getting scared too. I am very capable of having a panic attack, but not great at letting out the tears and anger (very well illustrated by my session today with T – just end up shaking with all the emotion that is contained and not being expressed).
Anyway I think a website to help your inner children to express anger at God is fantastic. I will definitely go have a look.
xx
April 29, 2009 at 11:51 am
@ Rachel – You are being very nice to come and talk to us here.
Thank you for your kindness.
It is a familiar experience to me – the shaking of the body.
Actually I believe sometimes it is the only way to release the “freeze response” to trauma done to the body, by making the body move/shake/run away – btw are you familiar with the Peter Levin’s approach to trauma therapy – you might be interested to read free chapter from his book here, and similar approach taken by Bessel van der Kolk’s?
April 29, 2009 at 12:03 pm
Not at all … as you say I was here anyway! :)
I have heard a bit about Levin’s approach (but I will read the chapter voraciously!) I am very interested in trauma theory actually. There is something I read somewhere about an impala – after they have been attacked by another animal, if they froze/played dead and survived, afterwards they get up and shake all over to release the trauma. It’s the basis for sensorimotor therapy right? To complete the uncompleted action, whether that is run or fight.
I think for me the shaking is about the battle of containing the emotion. It is so powerful sometimes I can’t control the shaking. I have no memory of a specific or early trauma, and I think my ‘trauma’ is mainly psychological rather than body related (as far as I know), but I experience emotion a lot in my body. We are still working it out!
:)
April 29, 2009 at 12:04 pm
Oh my word I’ve just hit the link you gave me and it is totally the impala story …. hehe!
April 29, 2009 at 12:09 pm
Oh, I hoped I could give you something new, but you have obviously meet “the impala” already on your own :) What do you think of Kolk then? Really I am interested to know you opinion…
April 29, 2009 at 12:16 pm
Kolk I think I am totally with (left a comment there too!) I was totally blown away with the way my therapist works (a lot of movement and work with the body, she isn’t a sensorimotor therapist but goes with stuff. So if I feel small she encourages me to get small. We work a lot on the floor. And because of her deep release connections she does touch work – holding. So the small child in me gets held :) )
So yes – no sitting on bums and wagging tongues for me. Although with my clients I haven’t gone as far (the set up I work with makes it hard to do this kind of stuff) it is definitely the direction I’m heading in.
April 29, 2009 at 12:24 pm
Oh, gosh, its so refreshing to talk “live” although only online :) – and not just read about the experiences – to somebody who have personal experience with such an approach, not only the traditional talk therapy…
April 29, 2009 at 12:28 pm
I know! Me too! :)
April 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm
Hey – can I add a link to your blog(s) to my blogroll?
April 30, 2009 at 10:38 am
Your blog has been added to my blogroll under the name “Rachel’s blog”. Thanks for adding mine.
April 30, 2009 at 11:45 am
Thankyou :)
I only added this one because this is where the dialogue was at. I would love to add Sam-Embracing-Samo’s blog too, shall I pop over there and ask?
:)